- AN OVERVIEW
TOUGHLOVE program was founded by Phyllis & David
York in 1972. The Yorks worked as family & youth
counselors in USA for 13 years before they realized
that while understanding and forgivness may be commendable
when dealing with young people who are constantly
in trouble this approach does not always work. This
lesson was learnt through personal experience with
their own child.
is a loving solution for families that are being torn
apart by unacceptable behaviour. These young people
may skip school, run away from home, abuse drugs or
alcohol, get into trouble with the law, get involved
with others on their terms. Or act as though they
are the only people to be considered when making decisions
about their life. TOUGHLOVE encourages parents to
allow their children to experience the natural and
logical consequences of their actions. TOUGHLOVE also
teaches parents that constantly rescuing children
from these consequences is not helping them to grow
and mature. It is in fact hindering the growth of
mature, responsible attitudes.
is tough on parents. It is recognized that it is hard
work changing behaviour and habits that have developed
over years and that we need the support of others
to do this. Parents come to TOUGHLOVE because they
love their kids enough to want to make positive changes
in their own lives and in the lives of their kids.
is not a parenting program. It is a crisis intervention
is a philosophy based on action. Parents join local
groups for practical and emotional peer support. Parents
provide understanding for one another without becoming
involved in blaming. TOUGHLOVE in non judgemental.
Where counseling or therapy is required, parents are
referred to professionals while continuing to get
support from their TOUGHLOVE groups.
is confrontational. Parents are challenged to view
themselves clearly, to examine their present behavioural
responses and ideas and, where necessary, to make
constructive changes. Practical solutions are provided
to help change behaviour. It as accepted that the
only people we can change are ourselves and that other
may, or may not, choose to change in response to the
changes we make. Decisiveness and directness are encouraged.
Parents are able to call upon other members of the
group fro practical support at any time. Members have
been asked, at times, to take kids from other families
and provide them with temporary shelter while a family
crisis tries to resolve itself.
is a non profit organization offering self help materials
to parents, kids in trouble and professional working
with them. TOUGHLOVE groups are not run by professionals.
They are run by parents for parents. People in service
roles in society may initate groups but they only
survive if the parents are committed to the group
and to each other. For many people, TOUGHLOVE provides
an extended family of caring adults who are not only
ready and willing to listen, but who are also willing
to become involved and remain involved.
does nor advocate punishment, or "throwing kids
out". However, it does ask that our acting out
young people experience appropriate and relevant consequences
of their behaviour, so that they will learn and change.
This is often hard on parents, so they need the support
of others who know that TOUGHLOVE does work.
· At co operation in our families, communities
and between agencies involved with our young people.
· At encouraging our young people to become
· To make our community a safe place to life.
number 1300 856 830