It's the Bondi triangle - 27th December 2007
(Credit: The Sydney Morning Herald

Tears, nudity, thieving, self-deception. Sacha Molitorisz finds a bikini shop is no man's land.

Tears, nudity, thieving, self-deception. For all the fleshy drama in their workplace, you'd think Ilisia Shuke and Rachael Morrice were co-stars in a soap opera.

Shuke, 22, and Morrice, 19, work at Bondi Beach's Bikini Island, a tiny, triangular shop that sells tiny, triangular swatches. They're shop assistants - bikini fitters, if you will - but their job also requires them to be counsellors, confidantes, stylists and security guards. From a counter with a view over Australia's most famous beach, they match swimsuits and bodies, which sounds easy, but isn't.

"This is a pretty small thing that you're wearing," Shuke says. "Everything's out there for the world to see."

Morrice says: "I find women are really afraid to jump above a size 12. If you tell them, 'You're a 14,' they won't do it. But some of the best bodies I've ever seen are a size 14. I've also had women who have just had kids shed a few tears in here."

"Yeah," Shuke says. "Their bodies have changed. They come in with their kids a few weeks or months old and they want to see themselves in a bikini."

A young woman comes in, walks up to the counter and pulls a bikini bottom out of her bag. "Sorry, I found this," the woman says. "I must have taken it accidentally."

As the woman leaves, Shuke looks nonplussed. "That's new," she says. "Usually it doesn't happen like that."

Shoplifting is a major problem on Campbell Parade, where thousands of tops and bottoms are crammed into the shop's every nook and alcove. Bikini Island is the retail equivalent of a size 14 body squeezed into size 8 swimmers. For many customers, slipping a pair of killer swimmers into a handbag is obviously a temptation too great to resist; particularly when that pair can cost up to $190.

"We were selling one for $280," Morrice says. "But we had to get rid of it, because it was too expensive."

Shuke says: "Some people buy a few pairs. If the shape fits, they'll get different colours and leave with $500 of bikinis. That's all right, because that's what you do here. Sydney is a beach town."

Shoplifting is a hassle. So too the crowds on Sundays. And then there are the difficult customers. Shuke tells of the time she served a fiftysomething woman eager to find a swimsuit to cover "something" on her stomach. After an hour-and-a-half, still nothing was working. Finally, the woman admitted the "something" she was too embarrassed to mention was one extra kilo. "I said, 'Oh don't worry, I'm 22 and I have that,"' Shuke says. "She said, 'You do? Well, I only got it at 52."'

A different sort of challenge is posed by extroverted women with ample bosoms.

"A lot of them want triangles and triangles just don't work for DDs," Shuke says. "They just don't fit right. We usually let them give it a go with the triangles, then suggest the shapes that will work on them. But it's always up to them, and if that's what they want to wear, you just say, 'Whatever you feel comfortable in."'

It isn't exclusively women, of course. Men occasionally venture into Bikini Island and they can be challenging, too.

"There was a guy in here who was engaged and was buying his fiancee a gift," Shuke says. "So he pulled out a size 12 and said, 'This is it! This is it!' He was there with his sister and she said, 'No, she's bigger.' He said, 'Well, I hope not.' She says, 'No, no, she's the 14.' It was just the size that scared him. Actually, it's hard when girls come with their boyfriends. Honestly, to this day I don't know why. No offence you guys, but you really don't help. A girl says, 'Do I look fat in this?' Well, you don't want to answer that question. Or the guy says, 'The red one looks so much better.' Then the girl is like, 'What's wrong with the yellow one?' Guys, just don't go shopping with your girlfriends."

Occasionally, a man comes in on his own. Such men can be brave - or creepy.

"Once I did have a guy who asked me to try some bikinis on, so he could see his girlfriend's size. I said, 'We don't do that here."'

Despite the miscellaneous difficulties, Shuke and Morrice say they enjoy their work.

"It's fun to help people," Shuke says.

Morrice says: "And we can go swimming during our breaks. Being here at the beach is the best part of the job."

Eager to know what sort of food the chef eats, so to speak, I contemplate asking Morrice what sort of bikini she wears, but I refrain. The question might sound creepy.

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